Deal.

So here's my new plan for survival.

If you think it inspire's you, then do it. If you want to try, if it could help you cope, than DO IT.

All my life I've been holding back and now, when I think of opening my eyes, people are starting to tell me it's too late, I shouldn't think of these things anymore, I'm too old. But the fact is I've seen adults crack up and ruin their entire lives because they never tried when they should have.

I've nothing to lose, at least not yet. If I want to try I will try. If I want to smoke weed, I will. If I want to by a vibrator, I will. If I want to cut myself, I will. If this is necessary for continuing with life, for getting free from this trap where I am now - where I have been for YEARS now - I fucking will. I don't want to be supporting cast anymore. I want the main role. It is about time. If I won't start with it, nothing will ever change. I don't want to pretend anymore and I don't want to care about what others say or think. Not anymore.